So long, farewell…

I believe the time has come for me to stop blogging.  I had a lot of time to think about this this past weekend in Atlantic City, and I think it’s the best choice.  I am not leaving the spanking community, but it’s time for me to move on.  I haven’t identified as Kate James in a very long time and I need to just be Marie. I need to focus on school, real life relationships, work, my family, and me.  I will leave this up here as an archive, and I will still be reachable via email, but this blog will no longer be updated.

I will continue to read and comment on others blogs and can still be found on Twitter, SSS, and several other forums and websites.

My email address is still

All the best,



Checking In

It’s very early on a Sunday morning, and yet I am not only awake but attempting to write something coherent. I know I don’t blog a lot anymore, but I don’t want this to completely die out.  School takes up the majority of my time and I simply don’t enjoy blogging about the everyday things anymore.  I mean, who wants to know when I go to the museum? Or that I’m crate training my dog? Or anything really.  I don’t have much spanking related to talk about and so I’m having a hard time writing here.  Not that I’m writing elseware, but here specifically.  I feel myself becoming more and more private but wanting to still write here.  We’ll see how it goes in the next few weeks.

– Marie

Kissing Some Frogs

I’ve been trying to meet more people lately, and make more spanking friends.  I am feeling more shy and self conscious than ever though and it’s making it rather difficult.  Personally, I think I just know what I want but sometimes I wonder if that’s a bad thing.

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FIC: A Towel

I wrote this story yesterday morning after my shower. It was an impulse and hasn’t been edited so, if there are typo’s…deal with it 😛


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School & Spankings

Which of the two, school or spankings, do you think I’m seeing more of lately? Which S? Hm. Well, you’ll know by the end of this post, that’s for sure.

First off – I successfully passed Neurology.  My quiz grades got progressively better (74, 84, 90) and my final was high enough (a 76) to get me a B in the class (with the quizzes weighted more heavily.  Whew. I am proud of myself.  I have to say, I may not have always studied as much as I could have, even when I’ve gotten good grades, in the past.  For Neurology though, those last two quizzes and the final, I studied my little ass off for.  Unfortunately, I got caught up in studying and completely forgot not one, or two, but three homework assignments.

Because of schedules/roommates/unforseen circumstances, I have yet to be punished for this.  All homework assignments have been handed in now but two were more important than one and might effect my grades in those classes. Alas, I move on and try and do my best.

Today, I had an on-site clinical internship at the school.  We do them three weekends out of the semester and have 2 clients on our clinic dates.  All four of mine have been women and both days I had one older and one younger.  Both times the older clients were a bit loopy.  Such is life I suppose.  For the last few weeks I’ve been worried, and questioning myself.  Am I doing the right thing for me? Did I pick the right thing? I worry so much about doing the wrong thing with my life,  even though I know the right thing is whatever I feel is best for me.

During my first clinic date I felt anxious and couldn’t wait for it to be over.  I was reluctant, going into this one, but once I started on my first client, I really began to enjoy myself.  I closed my eyes, took a lot of deep breaths and got into it.  I think my confidence is building in my technique, and thus in my ability to not only do a good job, but do this at all. I also think I really need to see the doctor about this ADD.

So, I think it’s clear by now which I have seen more of: school. Life unfortunately often gets in the way of plans, especially when your options for play space are limited.  I suppose if I was seriously desperate, I could find *someone* to spank me, but I’ve grown picky again. Not necessarily a bad thing, but not always easy to stick to.  Ah well, such is life right?  There are MSA and SSNY parties coming up though, so that’s a good thing!


Fitting In

Fitting in is a topic that’s been on my mind for a long time (ie. forever) so it was interesting to see Rad and Sandy bring it up on their blogs recently.  In middle school, I had to grow up rather quickly with my home personal life and a few other things, so I really didn’t relate to any of my peers whose primary concerns were very different from my own.

In high school it just got worse. Their primary concerns were still different from mine and I stuck out like a sore thumb. I’ve spent the good part of the last two/three years trying to figure out what’s wrong with me, and how to fix it.  I’ve never been able to get along with my peers.  I’m not liberal enough, but I’m too liberal to be conservative.  I’m not strictly and only into spanking, and yet I’m not a kinkster/fetishist. I’m straight and accepting of other orientations, but because I am straight,  I am in a ‘position of privilege’ for not having to deal with identity and gender issues.

I don’t think I’ve ever been in a position of privilege in my entire life.  I was raised on welfare and foodstamps by a single mom with four kids.  I was the only girl and often teased mercilessly.  I was my moms personal verbal punching bag until I moved out, my older brother almost raped me when I was 11, and my father killed himself when I was 13.  I am not sure where the privilege is.  I’ve ever deemed myself underprivileged though. Just different.  I took what I was given and made the most out of it, trying to turn myself into something better, something worth being.

Lately, I’m being reminded more and more of high school all over again.  I’m still trying to find out who I am and what my purpose is.  I’m still learning.  There are a few places I am comfortable in, and that is in my sexuality and my kink orientation.  But the rest of it? Forget it.

I have very few friends around my own age, and those older, while great and awesome and some of the best friends I’ve ever had, are constantly encouraging me to interact more with my ‘peers’ which is simply frustrating.

So where am I at? I am feeling like I don’t fit in anywhere.  A bigger question though? Do I want to fit in? Do I need to? Do I need a group just for me? Why can’t I just pick and choose the people who are best for me and surround myself with them and be happy? That’s what I’ve done until now, but right now everyone is creating their own little groups and I feel as though I don’t belong anywhere.

Forget vanilla life – I become a horribly awkward and shy teenager when even thinking about interacting with people my own age.  They all seem so much more sophisticated than I am, even those a year or two younger than me.

I know this probably sounds like I want a pity party…but I mostly just want to find out who I am and where I best fit into this world, and I’m feeling a little lost…Sorry this post is a little all over the place, but I needed to get these thoughts out.

– Marie


This, is Mark.  When I was 12 I first got online and found a yahoo chatroom called Health Lobby.  It became my regular hang out and I was a mascot of sorts with everyone watching out for ‘Soccer’ (that was my nickname made from my screen name.)  Mark’s screen name was Merlin something or other.  He told me I reminded him of his niece who was around my age and redheaded and apparently, just as ‘sassy’ 😉 He was maybe 22 or so.  We got close and after my father died, he’d stay on the phone with me for hours until I fell asleep and then hang up when he was sure I was asleep.  I had horrible nightmares.

You may be wondering why I’m telling you this.  In September-ish of 2007, I ‘came out’ to Mark and he was well, less than pleased.  He was angry with me for lying to him, saying he didn’t know me after all, etc.  We stopped talking and haven’t since.  We had gotten to meet for lunch when I visited the college I’d be going to in Atlanta, as he lived in a very small town just north of there.

On Monday on a complete whim, I called him. I still remembered his number and everything.  His mom answered and said words I never thought I’d ever hear.  You see, Mark was a stubborn SOB. Nothing could get him.  He had a temper, but more so he was a fighter.  He was born with spina bifida and had struggled with it his whole life, but never letting it win.  He coached sports teams, he was a personal trainer, and he was in nursing school.

So hearing “Mark passed away, two years ago… was a car accident in December.” from his mom was startling and shocking.  He was really important to me and I just needed to share.  If he was here, he’d throw a downright hissy fit to know that he died in a damn car accident.  He’d kick someone’s butt for sure. I miss him a lot, and knowing he’s not even sitting in front of the TV grumbling about some team losing, makes me miss him even more.

– Marie


This is a mini follow up to the post I made earlier today about getting into my head.  Something we discuss a lot in school is intent.  Intent behind touch, words, strokes etc.  When applying specific strokes there are obvious physiological effects.  However, depending on the muscle or area you’re applying that stroke, and the reason, you can affect the physiological effect.

One of these is muscle stripping.  You place your thumbs together and run them along the muscle.  If the muscle is shortened, you can use it to lengthen the muscle fibers.  If the muscle is short, your intent would be to increase blood flow.  My arguement? Just because you don’t want it to lengthen the muscle fibers, doesn’t mean it won’t…right?

Wrong.  I don’t wholly believe this yet, but using it along with my headspaces, is sort of convincing me.  The intent behind the touch, and the spanking, can effect the outcome.  If the intent is for me to become aroused, then I will.  If the intent is to punish, etc. then it will. This doesn’t mean my body won’t always respond sexually in those instances when the intent is to punish, however, my mind will register the intent over my body’s reaction and that’s how I will feel it.

So I am starting to believe this BS about intent and stuff within massage and shiatsu, and hopefully that explains it a little better.

– Marie

Getting Into My Head

It’s not terribly difficult to get into my head, if you know where to start and what to focus on.  For me, the headspace that surrounds a spanking is important, no matter the intent or reason for the spanking.  Playful, punishment, etc. doesn’t matter.  There is always a headspace involved for me.

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It’s my party…

First things first.  Tomorrow, Thursday, January 24th, Thursday Knight will be here, IN NYC to see me! Well, ok, not JUST me, but she IS coming because it’s MY birthday.  Well, it was my birthday, the party is a little late.  Anyway, she’s coming here, along with the infamous Mr. Fox whom I haven’t seen in FAR too long.  I’m sure I’ll get more than one spanking this weekend.  I am having a small gathering for my closest spanking friends on Friday night and am looking forward to introducing TK around then and at SSNY on Saturday night. She’s like a little sister to me…in more ways than one.  I anticipate her trying to get me into heaps of trouble! Read the rest of this entry »

It’s Been a While

It’s been a while.  Life has been b-u-s-y.  Monday, January 4th, was my 21st birthday.  Yay for me!  No, I didn’t go out drinking or anything.  I had class at 8:30 am and then I went home to get ready to go out to dinner with my surrogate parents (I mean, is it possible to adopt an adult? Maybe? Can we look into that? Because they’re way cooler than uh, 90% of my family!) Rad & Sandy, and a mutual friend J.  We went out for Mexican food and it was yummy-licious. Sandy got me a book and a journal.  Sweet! I’m almost finished with the book, but I left it in my locker at school, damn!! It’s called The 19th Wife and is a historical fiction based on the story of Ann Eliza Young (which, I think I’ve decided to name my future daughter, if I have one, Ann Eliza). Read the rest of this entry »


I can’t believe today is the last day of 2009.  The last 10 years have gone by incredibly fast.  Making it to 18 was a big deal for me, and 21 (right around the corner) is sort of unreal.  This wasn’t an easy year, and a lot of depressing things happen, but looking back on it I see how much I have grown and it only makes me look forward to 2010 and new experiences, even more.

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Roleplay Fantasies

Roleplay is something I’ve never been terribly good at.  I’ll never forget the first real role play I ever attempted with someone.  I hadn’t been spanked much at this point, but it was someone I’d been talking to for ages and ages at the time. The role was simple: he was the dad and I was his daughter.  He was tired of my mouth, my back talk, my attitude.  Because I had had quite an attitude within our relationship, it worked out well in that regard.  The scenario was role play, but the spanking after, was very much punishment

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Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas readers!  I hope that all of you had a peaceful and pleasant day.  My day was quiet and fairly uneventful.  Woke up, opened gifts with my family, had a big breakfast, relaxed, dog peed on the floor, had a nice dinner with my family.

And I did something for all of you.  A few months ago Richard Windsor put together a giant blog roll called the Spanking Universe, using Blogger/Blogspot.  They suck, and so they deleted it.  Idiots. Well, he’s said over on his blog that he will work on a more permanent solution for the future, but in the mean time, I’ve put together the Spanking Blog Roll.  There are 120 blogs (gotten from a google cache of the original spanking universe.) added today and more to come tomorrow.

I hope it works for now.  I know I miss visiting the spanking universe for my daily blog fix.  I liked having it! Richard manages so much and already does so much, so I figured I could handle a temporary replacement.


– Marie


Last weekend, TES was hosting a holiday party at Paddles, but due to the impending blizzard, they canceled it that afternoon.  The NYC TNG group decided to still host their munch and Paddles graciously stayed open for those of us daring to venture out.  And a fun night was had by all. Read the rest of this entry »

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